Braves may be 10th on MLB's payroll list, but you'll never guess who's costing the Braves a shot at the playoffs

So on top of being one of the most annoying celebrities, let alone baseball players, on earth, the AP released an already known fact that A-Rod was the highest paid player in Major League Baseball.
It's pretty hard to believe that one guy is making $7 million more than an entire team-the Florida Marlins-but at roughly $28 million Stray-Rod has more bank rolling in that the entire Florida Marlin opening day roster...including the guys on the disabled list.
It only proves that you, me and everyone else reading this stinking blog either picked the wrong profession, or weren't blessed with a dip in the Herculean gene pool.
But looking past A-Rod, the Yankees $200-plus payroll (which includes the top three salaries in baseball: A-Rod, Jason Giambi and Derek Jeter), and scrolling down the pile of MLB clubs you come across our lowly Atlanta Braves, who, at a respectable 10th place finish are projected to pay out $102,424,018 this season.
With four playoff spots per league, and the AL holding six of the top 10 slots, my six year-old should be able to figure out that the math in the ledger sure ain't adding up in the standings.
The Braves have been on a downturn ever since Ted Turner sold off to Time Warner, divorced Hanoi Jane and started giving his billions away to hopeless causes instead of World Series-caliber talent.
And with Atlanta's most recent sale to Liberty Media, not only should we expect player deals to look more like late afternoon dealings at a flea market ("I'll give $2.50 for that garden hoe, that's the best I can do.") I'm sure the new ownership is going to try to use the logic of small-market clubs like Colorado, Arizona and Cleveland to farm-in talent before shipping them down the road.
Minnesota and Oakland were like those 19 year-olds that still hung out at the high school parking lot in their "Rad" '89 Camaro: "Get 'em young, and send 'em on."
And without sounding too much like a dog, I'm fine with that. Only until I glanced at how and where the Braves are spending the bulk of that $100 million-plus this year.
Scanning the top 5 salaries on the Atlanta payroll, the names roll off the tongue:
5. (Tie): Mark Kotsay, John Smoltz: $8,000,000
No brainer there. Kotsay was a top-notch player for the A's (told ya') and Smoltz is the undeniable ace for the Braves staff. (Who would think, 17 years after pitching the Braves into the playoffs for the first time in ages, the Tigers' prospect would still be the most dominant pitcher in Atlanta?)
4. Tim Hudson: $8,500,000
A little pricey, but still fits with market value for a No. 1 or No. 2 pitcher. I've compared Huddy to any sequel or threequel: never can live up to the buildup.
3. Mark Teixeira: $9,000,000
Essentially the Braves pulled off a rare steal, similar to how Bob Barker could always get the wheel to click over one more spot to the $1.00 so the old lady would beat out the crazy frat guy for the final slot in the showcase showdown. Even though the frat guy definitely needed "A New Car!" much more than Aunt Bernice, it made for better TV when Berny cried with joy as Barker shouted: "Help Control the Pet Population: Have your pet spayed or neutered."
Market value on Teixeira should be around the $10,000,000 to $12,000,000 mark, but having somebody who essentially was homegrown by Georgia Tech and feels a little nostalgic, helped Atlanta frame up one of the better outfields in the East.
2. Chipper Jones: $12,333,333
To anyone outside of Atlanta, Chipper Jones is the face of the Braves. And therefore, even with diminishing numbers (not discounting his batting avg. last season) and a slower first step at third, Jones is making bank he earned during those early years when his name sat behind the Justice's, the Maddux's and the McGriff's of Braves' past. From a strictly financial sense, Chipper is going to make back every dime with exposure (ESPN loves the guy), and marketing revenue. From a baseball perspective, he's a crafty veteran who can offer just as much to young guys like Francouer in the dugout, as he will at the plate or in the field.
1. DRUM ROLL PLEASE!!!
HERE IT COMES...
WAIT FOR IT...WAIT FOR IT...
Mike Hampton: $15,475, 185
Yes, the man who hasn't thrown in two years, been hampered by not one, but two separate elbow injuries and hasn't pitched to more than a .500 record since '99 is making 386 times more money than the guy managing your Kroger. Give me a frigging break! When I saw that expletives started jumping in my mind like Pop Rocks mixed with Coke.
Subtract Hampton's salary and the Braves fall between Houston and Milwaukee-makes more sense-but still ahead of playoff contenders like Philly, Milwaukee, Cleveland, San Diego (If Hoffman don't choke again), Colorado and Arizona.
Oh it's so aggravating! The Braves won't shore up their bullpen with any proven lefties or dominant closers, but we will sit on a $15,000,000 contract in hopes that some guy who won the lottery by having ONE good year will "regain his old form?"
Geez.
And that's the reason my six year old won't be sitting in any MLB front office any day soon. Because he, along with everyone else in the rational world, would see that if a person isn't being productive because of injury, they should be drawing disability and not a paycheck.
Denying Hampton yet another "second chance" would free up some cash for Atlanta to make two or three additions that could be the difference between actually winning the NL East like ESPN swears they're going to do, or simply pushing Smoltz 162 games closer to retirement.
The question that has to be asked is: "At what point do the Braves realize that Hampton's ailments are hurting Atlanta's hopes of ever returning to dominance?"